Agency fees can be overwhelming: often $20,000-$40,000 or more. If you're exploring alternatives, private surrogacy isn't just possible; it's becoming common for parents who want more control and save money.

If you are going this route, an independent surrogacy checklist is essential. You'll need to coordinate legal requirements, medical evaluations, and financial planning. It's normal to feel uncertain about where to start.

The solution: break everything into clear steps. Tackle them one at a time. This guide provides a framework to help you prepare thoroughly and approach independent surrogacy with confidence.

What Is Independent Surrogacy?
The Independent Surrogacy Checklist
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
Final Thoughts: Your Personal Path to Parenthood
Common Questions

What Is Independent Surrogacy?

Let's start by looking at forms of surrogacy and why more and more intended parents are choosing this path.

Independent surrogacy means you're the captain now. Instead of paying typical agency fees of $20,000-$40,000, you coordinate directly with your surrogate, medical team, and lawyers.

Agencies do provide valuable support. But going independent gives you the driver's seat and can dramatically reduce costs. Plus, there's something meaningful about managing this intimate journey yourself.

Before diving into our independent surrogacy checklist, let's look at why some families choose this path:

Cost savings: Without an agency fee, you could save tens of thousands of dollars.
Direct relationship: No middleman between you and the woman carrying your child.
Greater control: Every decision, every appointment, every detail: your call.
Personalized experience: Tailor the journey to what matters most to you.

The Independent Surrogacy Checklist

1. Education and Research

Start here. You'll need to:

Get completely clear on how surrogacy actually works.
Decide between gestational surrogacy (using IVF with your egg or donor egg) or traditional surrogacy (using the surrogate's egg).
Understand the legal requirements in your state. If your surrogate mother lives elsewhere, you'll need to navigate two sets of state laws.
Figure out how to find a surrogate without an agency.

💡 Pro Tip: Find people who've actually done this before. Online communities exist for exactly this reason, and the advice you'll get from veterans is worth its weight in gold.

2. Building Your Team

Independent surrogacy doesn't mean going it alone. Building the right team is key for success. You'll need your surrogate, an IVF clinic, and two separate lawyers.

Your Surrogate

Finding an independent surrogate is perhaps the most challenging part of your journey. Without a matching program, you'll need to:

Ask around, sometimes a friend of a friend becomes your perfect match
Join surrogacy support groups online (Facebook has several active communities)
Consider a surrogacy consultant who just does matching. They are cheaper than full agency services
Use social media groups dedicated to connecting intended parents and prospective surrogates

You can find more information in this article about how to find a surrogate without an agency.

Your fertility Clinic

There are several points to check when choosing your IVF clinic. What to look for:

Find a fertility clinic experienced with surrogacy.
Make sure they're comfortable with independent surrogacy arrangements.
Confirm they can coordinate with your surrogate's medical providers for monitoring. Geography matters.

Your Legal Team

Legal protection isn't optional. Both parties need separate representation. Legal requirements:

Hire an experienced surrogacy attorney to draft your contract
Ensure your surrogate has her own lawyer. This isn't negotiable.
Understand the parentage laws in your state and where your surrogate lives
Plan for legal proceedings (birth certificate, court order, pre-birth or post-birth parentage orders, etc.)

3. Screening Process

Proper medical screening prevents problems down the road and ensures everyone is prepared. In DIY surrogacy, you're the screening committee. Arrange these evaluations:

Medical screening at your fertility clinic. Check ASRM guidelines.
Psychological evaluation by a mental health professional.
Background checks for all parties.
Financial stability verification to ensure your surrogate isn't in financial distress.

💡 Advice: Skipping proper screening is like skydiving without checking your parachute. Don't do it, even if it feels awkward.

4. Financial Planning

Money conversations can be uncomfortable. Don't forget to tackle the following points when doing your financial planning:

Create a detailed budget. Then add 20% for surprises. Look for affordable surrogacy options.
Have frank, specific money conversations with your surrogate.
Set up an escrow account to manage payments. Services like SeedTrust specialize in this.
Plan for the unexpected. Sometimes one embryo transfer becomes three.

5. Creating Legal Agreements

A well-drafted contract is your roadmap. Don't rush this step. Getting the legal framework right protects everyone involved. Ensure your contract outlines the following points:

Everyone's rights and responsibilities
Clear compensation terms
Medical decision-making protocols
Behavior expectations during pregnancy
Birth plan preferences

6. Medical Procedures

This phase involves multiple appointments, procedures, and coordination. Stay organized, timing matters in fertility treatments.

Complete required medical testing for intended parents
Coordinate IVF procedures and embryo creation
Plan for embryo transfer, including travel if needed.
Establish protocols for pregnancy monitoring.

7. Pregnancy Management

This is where you really earn those agency fee savings. Without an agency coordinator, you'll need to:

Maintain regular communication with your surrogate
Coordinate prenatal appointments
Manage expense reimbursements
Plan for the birth and hospital stay
Arrange travel if your surrogate lives in another city

8. Birth and Post-Birth

The final phase involves birth planning and the transition period afterward. This includes:

Create a collaborative birth plan. Everyone should feel heard.
Understand hospital protocols for surrogacy births. Some hospitals have specific policies.
Prepare for the legal process to establish parentage
Plan for post-birth support. Your surrogate deserves thoughtful aftercare.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

When doing an independent journey, be aware of:

Inadequate contracts: A weak contract is worse than no contract.
Insufficient screening: Skipping psychological or medical evaluations.
Unrealistic budgeting: Surrogacy has a way of finding financial surprises.
Communication breakdowns: Lack of clear expectations between parents and the surrogate.
Missing legal steps: paperwork gaps can mean custody complications.
Lack of organization: Starting without an independent surrogacy checklist means you risk missing critical steps.

Final Thoughts: Your Personal Path to Parenthood

This independent surrogacy checklist isn't rigid; it's a starting point for your unique path. If you're organized and ready to be hands-on, independent surrogacy can be a rewarding journey.

What to remember:

You'll handle more details, but gain deeper connections
The financial savings can be substantial
You can customize every aspect
There's no "correct" way to build your family

Bottom line: there isn't one "right" way to do this. Pick the pieces that fit your life, skip the rest, and build the process that feels right for you. And don't forget that other parents out there have done this before. Lean on their stories. They'll tell you the good, the bad, and the stuff no checklist ever warns you about.

Want to connect with others on this journey? Consider joining RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, which has resources specifically for those pursuing surrogacy.

Common Questions

How much can I actually save?

Typically $20,000-$40,000, depending on the agency fees you're avoiding. But remember: you're taking on more work.

Is it harder to find a surrogate without an agency?

Yes, finding a match is generally more challenging independently. Many intended parents successfully find surrogates through social networks, online forums, and word-of-mouth.

What screening should I do for a surrogate?

At minimum: medical screening and psychological evaluation. Don't skip either.

Can I mix elements of independent and agency surrogacy?

Yes, many intended parents use hybrid approaches, such as hiring a consultant for matching.

What are the biggest risks with independent surrogacy?

Finding the right surrogate can be tough. Proper screening is essential. Legal complexities exist. And when conflicts arise, you won't have a built-in mediator.

Table of Contents

Independent Surrogacy Checklist: Save Money & Stay in Control